What brings you life?

It’s a question I asked myself for months on the heels of loss, grief, disappointment and the release of a God-given dream. Wrestling with the reality of knowing God loved me, but not feeling it. A battle between heart and head with a healthy, purposeful body encasing a broken, dying heart. I lost a grip on my strength.

No flag waving that told loved ones I’m standing on the outside, but dying on the inside. Stoically, I just pushed. Robotic routines. In retrospect I suppose I thought there was a sacredness in just quietly putting my shoes on every morning–as if two shoes were holy glue holding me together for the sake of those around me–just to keep walking.

You’ve been there? You push through the daily routines, but the effort is so hard. No shame, everyone deals with painful emotions time and again.

Invite God in.

You’re an emotional, spiritual being and God created you with that intentionality. You can be your most vulnerable with Him.
So first, identify any fears that might be barriers to inviting Him into your emotions. His Spirit can handle you and your honesty with no judgement. Extend compassion to yourself, and talk to Him about them openly.

For me, I needed to get the emotions out of my head by processing my conversations with God while doing something physical and tangible. For you it may be hiking or running, for another it may be knitting. Were there things you did as a child when you felt fully you? Go back to them because they are typically something tangible and physical.

I happen to process my prayers through the act of painting, and an old mason jar has become a constant repository of holy water. Often I’ll paint a Scripture or phrase that reminds me of who God is, and sometimes I’ll paint something that focuses me on His creation–from horizons to florals to animals to people. The plunge of the paintbrush breaking the surface of the water is baptismal to my soul. It buries the old, washes it clean, and brings new color to life with new possibilities. It’s the purest form of personal communion with my heavenly Father. He consistently responds with acceptance, love and kindness.

What’s your holy water?

The rhythmic freedom of your breath as feet pound the pavement? The quiet act of creating in the kitchen, sunset walks on a beach, pedaling hard on a bicycle, writing down your emotions into a journal? Engage your body while your heart talks to God.

I think you’ll be amazed–

at how God brings the body, emotion, heart and soul into alignment, acceptance, healing, and freedom.
Every moment is holy, it’s all grace.

Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. –1 Peter 5:7